So many food allergies
That we all worry about
Parents and teachers
Conditioned to no more peanut butter sandwiches at school
Whole neighborhoods learning to use Epi pens
Inhalers as common as calculators in hallway lockers
But my allergy is worse
My allergy is pretty drastic
My allergy covers the menu
Artisanal loafs of seven grain bread
Truckstop breakfasts
Cinnamon buns
Grande lattes with little works of art inscribed in the foam
Pulled pork and baked beans
Poutine
Grilled cheese sandwiches
Nachos
Roast lamb
Thanksgiving turkey
Even the stuffing is off my menu
Heaping mounds of pasta? Gone
Garlic toast
Clubhouse sandwiches stacked high
With fries
Escargot baked in mushroom caps
Jambalaya steaming hot
Sodas in a frosted glass
Fructose, glucose and corn syrup
Chicken pot pies
And of course, pizza
Whether deep dish
Whole wheat crust
Or baked al forno in a brick oven
Gone
Gone
Gone
What are the symptoms you may well ask
They include
Double chins,
(yes that’s an intentional plural)
Stout full bellied profile
Shortness of breath when you bend over to tie your shoes
So you have to buy loafers and slip-ons
Incipient diabetes
Thighs as big as the trunks of trees
Cellulite deposits growing faster than suburban sprawl
It gets worse when you outgrow the gym clothes
And you can’t find anything larger
Even at Walmart
Sigh
You have to trade in the subcompact with great mileage
For an F150 with good springs
Sideways glances mark your slow progress when you venture
Out
Pitying glances
Arrogant sneers
Nods of commiseration from the others so afflicted
Until finally
You pull yourself away from the table
The diners
Bars and grills
Drive-thru burger joints
Fine dining restaurants dimly lit
Delis serving lox and bagels
Not to mention the frozen food section
Say goodbye to all that
Start to lose the body fat
Fruits and veggies
Nuts and seeds
Are pretty much all that’s left
On which to feed
So the symptoms fade away
Your swollen shape retracts
Returns to form
And you realize
That your allergy has been subverted
Cured
David Trudel © 2012
Excellent!
Thanks Kathy!
The cure sounds almost worse than the disease!
Sounds like it at first, but I have to say that 11 inches off the waistline so far, way more energy, and increased self-esteem are more than worth the price!