The moment she looked into his eyes and saw death looking back at her
She knew
She knew that she couldn’t handle bonding with a beautiful soul
Only to lose him too soon
Once again
Over and over it has been that way
Caregiving
At first it was easy to compartmentalize the feelings
But now they spill out
Black humour no longer works to take the edge off
Instead too many edges have worked their way under her skin
To the point where occupational trauma raises emotional welts
She forces the mask back on
The one with the forced smile and bright eyes
Manages to get through one more shift
Only by knowing that tomorrow she’ll see the doctor again
And she’ll go on stress leave
Again
Because she knows that everything is so tightly bound
And if she has to wear that mask one more time
She’ll shatter
Into a million pieces that will never find peace
And if that happens
There’ll be no more caring
For her
David Trudel © 2013
You left me breathless but with a pounding heart. BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks – this came from a conversation with a dear friend of mine who is emotionally fragile after 30 years or so of caregiving. Glad you saw the beauty in the pain.