What to bring to hospital
According to the poorly photocopied instructions “what” includes
A translator
“If you do not understand English”
And since these instructions are in English it gives me pause to wonder
I don’t understand a lot of things
English or not
Maybe I should bring a translator of sacred mysteries, women, or hospitalese
I’m instructed not to wear nail polish, make-up, false eyelashes, hairpins or talcum powder
So no sympathetic Pride Parade cross dressing in the cards for this adventure
It is okay to wear face cream, deodorant and acrylic nails
Maybe I should rush out and get some face cream to wear
Just because it’s allowed
I’m advised I’ll have hair removed from my groin and/or wrist with a clipper
Slightly better than a hot wax treatment but about as appealing
Before I’m punctured
Allowing the passage of a fine tube into the blood vessel
There are no nerves inside the blood vessel
They tell me I won’t feel the passage of the tube
Carrying some fluid of an undisclosed nature
That will be mixed into the circulation allowing for a series of x-rays
Which will result in 3D images of the inside of my arteries
And the wall of my heart
I wonder if it will show the golden repairs that mark past heartbreaks
Major complications are rare
But the chance of stroke, embolic event, kidney failure, cardiac arrest or death
Is one in a thousand
Which is way better odds than the lottery I play but never win
A small patch dressing will be applied to the groin area
A sandbag will be placed over the dressing for pressure for approximately two hours
Interesting, in case of flooding I’ll be in a defensive posture
In case of any severe pain, malaise or fever report to the emergency department promptly, the discharge instructions state
Malaise is a pretty broad term
Not uncommon for poets and social commentators to encounter
I look forward to contacting the ER should I feel malaise afterwards
For philosophical discussions of an existential nature
David Trudel © 2013
createdavidt 
love it, the leaflets inspire so much confidence that you are an individual patient not just the next lump of meat on the trolley – not lol. It is the same as reading side effects on the leaflet with your medication I took one which after reading the paperwork had me checking in the mirror daily to see if my tongue was turning black. In fact you should do a sequel poem based on the side effects possible from the drugs that would be amusing
Don’t worry, more poems to come out of this event!