3:00 in the morning
alone in silence
it’s dark
I wake to worries
worries about myself and what I’m doing
and not doing
worries about those I love
and what’s happening to them
worries about those I know
but not well enough to love
and their troubles
in the dark it’s easy to worry
each small concern
unavoidable as a 3:00 a.m. heartbeat
it’s easy to worry in the small hours
thinking how big the problems are
how powerless I am
at 3:30
the dark deepens
now it’s worries about the wars
the earth
the rivers of blood
ignorant hatred
while I’m bothered by my lack of sleep
so at 3:45 I worry about selfishness
how my first world problems
are inconsequential but persistent as mosquitoes
I’m feeling guilty about worrying needlessly
but I can’t sleep
the silence is too loud
loud enough to drown out my heart
loud enough to echo in the dark
in the dark
where I lie awake
full of worries
about all the disappointed yesterdays
and fears about hopeless tomorrows
4:00 in the morning arrives full monty
in my face
as unavoidable as the seagull shit
splattered on the oversized bronze statue
of a long forgotten fool
who slept through his worries
until they called him hero
staring at nothing
it’s dark and quiet
at 4:15
my heart races itself in circles
until time doesn’t matter
all that’s left is everything that isn’t right
and that’s enough for one night
David Trudel © 2014
This Is Not A Poem
This is not a poem about love
Or yearning for love
This is not a poem about relationships
And all the shit that transpires between us
This is not a walk
Down memory lane
Into some childish backwater of a mind that plays tricks
This is not a poem
About social context
Communities
Interplaying like some dissonant chordal structure
This is not that kind of poem
This is a poem that hands you a towel
When you enter this room
Dims the lights
Speaks softly to you
Listens to your heart
Intently
Echoing every nuance of feeling
Transcribing
That moment when you look into the abyss
With more excitement than fear
Because
This is it
Here
Now
Forever
David Trudel © 2013
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